This week, we've launched the first few of a new range of movies on Strictly Broadband, from Adult Channel XXX. These titles are the hardcore (certified R18) versions of titles that have appeared on the Adult Channel and Playboy TV satellite and cable channels in the UK in soft form. Who wants softcore porn, I hear you ask?
Not many people, for sure; and yet that's all we poor Brits are “allowed” to watch on telly. That's right: no hard-ons, no penetration, no ejaculation, no gorgeous technicolour pussy shots. Just hints, shadows and dirty talk. The TV situation is one of the many strange anomalies that British porn lovers have to face in their quest for nastiness.
In fact, the UK only emerged from the porn dark ages in the late-90s, when a leading video distributor faced the might of the government in court and won the right to sell hardcore porn videos – which had been on sale in much of mainland Europe for over 20 years. This ruling brought about the creation of a new movie certificate, R18, which allowed hardcore pornography to be sold for the first time. At last, horny Brits could buy decent porn without having to fly in from Amsterdam with a bagful of VHS tapes (and face the embarrassment of having their bags searched by customs).
But R18 came with restrictions: R18 videos could only be sold over the counter in a licensed sex shop, not by mail order, and not shown on TV. Strangely, UK residents can order R18 DVDs from any country except the UK without fear of prosecution: an attack on the British industry that has boosted companies in Spain, the Netherlands and elsewhere in Europe.
In the past year, two adult TV companies have been fined tens of thousands of pounds for accidentally (and who am I to doubt them?) showing hardcore versions of ready-made adult programmes.
Of course, all this doesn't take into account the latest, greatest way to watch porn movies: video-on-demand (VoD) movies supplied over broadband Internet connections. Today, British viewers can watch all the glorious hardcore pornography they want in the privacy of their bedrooms, just by surfing to a service like our very own Strictly Broadband.
All this ignores that hardcore DVDs are widely sold in markets, car boot sales and online: usually pirated versions.
So, as ever, our political leaders in their wisdom have tried to suppress something they don't like, and in doing so pushed the business into the hands of overseas companies (which they have no control over) and criminal gangs. And the craziest thing about it is that the great British public don't seem to mind about porn at all – as usual, our moral guardians in parliament and the courts are decades behind the rest of us.
The same types of people who thought that the book, Lady Chatterley's Lover was too obscene for us normal folks to read have decided that we mustn't be able to view porno videos. Unless we happen to have an Internet connection and a credit card, or fancy nipping down the local boozer to see what that Chinese bloke's got in his bag this week.
When politicians make decisions affecting our private lives, madness always follows. Haven't they got better things to do, lies to tell, hands to shake, people to bomb, countries to invade?
